post 32 : oblivious

My latest theory: Everyone is capable of being a jerk. Albeit we don’t show this side to everyone, though it does exist, and it’ll come out in you when you’re least expecting it.  

We’ve got to have different sides of ourselves to us to function in society. We have to be a daughter, friend, colleague, sister, girlfriend and most confusing of all, sometimes we just want to be none of these people. We want to forget all social responsibility and moral boundaries and just be someone’s play thing. Just play. This is why celebrities fail at life. They are expected to be consistent. What a certain way to be driven mad.

But I digress; let’s talk about friends with benefits, about being said play thing.

This is an excitable, commitment free and quite delightful spontaneous situation to be in. And it might work, for a time. But inevitably, the stage of “I want to push you against the wall and fuck the shit out of you, then leave in the morning without kissing you goodbye” is temporary and the question remains: When you play with a friend, how do you revert back?

I have come to realise, in my very little experience, that guys are capable of just stopping. Simple. Girls, on the other hand, crave the conversation. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not the one that leads to questions such as “Where is this going?” and statements of “I can see us together” and other associated nonsence. A simple “Are we done here?” “Yep” would suffice.

This is what girls need; the non lingering, black and white, moving right along finalisation. Guys don’t want to talk about it. It’s the classic men are from mars, women are from venus scenario. We don’t understand each other. And what’s worse, we don’t know that we don’t understand each other. If we did, perhaps we wouldn’t put ourselves in these situations. Okay that part is a lie, of course we would.

Truth is, we probably don’t even understand ourselves. Even those of us who are unwavering against insult or critique, those of us who expect nothing and are accordingly never disappointed, can sometimes even be left with a feeling of, let’s call it .. wanting. It’s not a wanting for the person, but for the end. It’s a craving for the knowledge that the too long glances with fuck me eyes and the soft, discreet hand brushes across her lower back in public are going to stop. To no longer hear the whisper against her ear “Stay at my place tonight”. A craving for a friendship; for before.

Perhaps it isn’t intentional, I’m certain most guys are too unaware to even attempt be malicious. It comes out in the form of obliviousness and disconnection. Of course, this is perceived as jerky obliviousness and disconnection.

The solution? Dude, don’t be a oblivious, and you won’t be a jerk. Have the conversation, and watch her breathe a sigh of sweet fucking relief. Then revert back. And perhaps don’t play with your friends any more kids, that shit is messy.