post 39 : she didn't care for sugar coating

It’s not that she wasn’t a nice girl; it’s more she didn’t make it a priority.  She revealed about herself what others were afraid to admit they felt; it was a rare occasion where her behaviour did not mirror her thoughts. She did not shelter others from the horrors in her mind and for this she was intensely admired, and equally thought of as quite despicable.

She was always searching for more; looking with a fierce want but realistic resignation. She was self-aware and at times profoundly content. A non-conformist, though not as an act of rebellion; she was eternally ruthless. She balanced her time evenly between analysing herself and analysing others.

She cultivated solitude and was overdosed on confidence.  She was constantly told she’d change her mind, but never changing it. Constantly told how to be, but not being it. She thought of self-sacrifice not as an honourable thing, but weak.  She was not one to settle and chose a life of little comfort, and sacrifice for the sake of satisfaction. She didn’t much care for sugar coating. She was genuine and true, at times revelling in the calmness that came from brutal honesty.

She wanted nothing more than to be challenged and excited; stirring up controversy and drawing out differences, pursuing others who said what they meant without fear of repercussion. Longing, and frequently frustrated with a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction.

She had a fierce craving but for what, she was not sure. There was not a moment that passed where she was not particularly confused about what she wanted, yet perfectly certain about what she did not. She was free; passionately pressing forward in a world that attempted to contain and confine her, to repress and to silence her. She pushed people away, one opinion at a time.