chapter 1 : beer is delicious

We step into the living room and onto a blue floor at party to which I wasn’t invited. The birthday girl had made a temporary dancing area out of tarp where it didn’t matter if you spilled your drink or smeared cake into the ground. Very practical, I think, for this bunch of people.  She greets us by bounding up arms open and thanks us for coming and I am glad that she does because before now, I don’t remember meeting her.  I glance quickly at my sister, Ebony, who had earlier called to ask if I could come too. She smiles, relaxing me a little and I look around the room trying to find someone I recognise.

There are a few: Anabelle, a beautiful English girl that my ex-boyfriend Tom had introduced me to, and her boyfriend Patrick. There are Lily and Chloe; whom I always mix up despite the fact that one was in Ebony’s year at school, and the other is from Africa. There is Flynn, of course, Ebony’s boyfriend, and his housemate Daniel. There are high school sweethearts Noah and Lindsey. And then; there is Owen.

Owen is bent over an esky, searching for something seemingly important. He stands up and spins around, holding two beers in his outstretched arms, a huge smiled planted on his face that instantly reminds me why I am there.  He comes over to us, pushing one of the beers into Flynn’s hand, the other into Daniel’s. He is wearing a plain grey t-shirt and jeans, though he looks anything but. He’s let his hair grow since the last time I’d seen him; it’s now a soft blonde mess though I am sure each piece is placed exactly where he intended it. Ebony had mentioned that he’d acquired some new muscles in the time since I’d last seen him, and she wasn’t wrong. His previously thin arms wrap strongly around me. Oh, my.

Noah comes over to me, arms spread and a huge cheeky grin planted on his face. “Alice!” he announces, and cuddles me. Lindsey follows; they are one and the same. She gives me a shy hug and retreats. She is tiny, about 5 feet short and a persona equally as mild. Noah is not a lot taller, actually. If there was such a thing as a perfect couple, they would be it. They met in school at the tender age of 16 and started dating not long after. Six years later they are happier than ever. Tom introduced me to Noah when we were dating, over a year ago. Actually, Tom introduced me to everyone but on that first night, when a whole lot of names got thrown at me Noah’s was the only one that stuck. I’d remembered him not so much for his face, which was quite common, but for his sincerity and honesty, and also because he had told me that I needed to remember him; he was the most important one.

Lindsey disappears and Noah asks me how I’ve been, patting my back and adding that it is good to see me. “I’ve been good.” I tell him as I scan the room; socially anxious but attempting to cover it “Busy with study, but I like that. What about you?”

“Also busy with study, I’m writing my thesis this semester.”

“What topic are you doing?”

“Oh, you know; radiation effects and soft errors in integrated circuits and electronic devices.” I laugh. “The usual.” He adds.

“Want me to write it for you, I know all about that.”

He joins in my giggling and asks “Have you met Lola yet?” Lola is Owen’s sister, I’d met her just the once at least six months prior. She has chopped her long blonde hair off and it now sits in a cute bob that bounces when she speaks. She is laughing at something Flynn has just said and her face is animated and scrunched up. I look back to Noah.

“I have met her, just the once.”  I reiterate my thoughts. I don’t tell him that I think she is as delightful as her brother.

“Come here” he says, taking my hand. “I’ll introduce you to some more people.” He takes me towards Lily and Chloe, the two girls I get mixed up. They are about the same height and both have blonde hair that is not natural but nor does it look fake. It’s their boobs that must be what confuses me; they are huge on the both of them. I hope this won’t be awkward. “Do you know Lily and Chloe?” Noah asks and I say “yes” and they say “of course” and throw their arms around me, like Noah has just done and I begin to feel welcome; slightly comfortable. I know that one is studying pharmacy, and the other teaching. I should know which is which, I really should.

“I went to school with Ebony, remember.” One of them says to Noah, and I hope that he calls her by name so that I can get this sorted. As though she knows I am struggling, Ebony comes along and grabs the neck of the girl from school, pulls her close and kisses her right on her face. She screams out “Lily! I haven’t seen you in ages!”  Okay; I make a mental note. Lily is from school, which must mean that Chloe is from Africa, though I have no idea where, specifically or when she moved or if she speaks the language. I open my mouth to ask the questions but Ebony’s arm is around my neck before I get the chance. She stretches to reach Chloe with the tips of her fingers. Lily is under her other arm and all of a sudden we are in a scrum-like cluster, our heads down in the middle, whispering like school children. There is a boy at this party that Lily has a crush on, apparently, but I don’t recognise his name, and yes Flynn is as good as he looks like he would be, and “Did you know that my sister likes Owen?”

“Ebony!”

She giggles and mouths “she does” and they laugh and vow to help me, should the need call for it tonight.

“I don’t even know if I do like him” I attempt to defend myself but as we stand up from our scrum and I catch his eye across the room I know that to pretend I don’t would be a ridiculous waste of effort.

“I saw that!” Lily giggles, and then adds, “Don’t worry we won’t tell anyone.”

“I might!” Chloe adds, and I know I am going to like her.

*******

Noah has disappeared, but I am confident enough now to make my way around comfortably with the handful of people I know. “Let’s drink” Ebony more announces than suggests and we wander to the esky where Flynn and Daniel have the same idea.

“Hey, Alice” Daniel yells at me and grabs my face, turns it towards him and slightly down. “Look at this.”

“Like I have a choice” I half mumble, his hand tightly squeezing my cheeks when Owen appears out of nowhere.

“Let the poor girl go” he says, laughing and pushes Daniel away. I shake my face back into shape and ask Daniel what I am supposed to be looking at. Evidently no words are required and he drops his pants to the ground. We stare, a little taken back.

“They’re pink.” I state the obvious, and they are pink.

“They’re amazing!” Owen corrects, louder than necessary and he grabs at him while Daniel puts his hands behind his head and pelvic thrusts; smug.

“Tragic.”  

Owen peels his face away from Daniel long enough to tease me. “You love it.”

“I do.”

“Okay big man maybe it is time you pull your pants up now, you’ll have all the ladies over here in a minute.” And because Daniel doesn’t know when to stop he walks off with his jeans around his ankles instead. We watch him go and we watch people flock to him.

“Classic Daniel” I say after a moment, to break the silence.

“Beer time” and we turn to the esky and see Flynn sitting on it, and Ebony sitting on him.

“Disgusting” Owen jokes and Flynn starts to kiss her while he extends his middle finger. “Okay. No drinks” Owen says in response and he hears a song he likes, drags me to the dance floor.

“Wait. Wait!” I hear someone call out, and we stop just in time to see a body fly in front of us and land on a beanbag to the left of our feet. I look down at someone I don’t recognise. The stranger winks at me, gets up and runs back to the couch from where he’d just catapulted to have another go. I blush and duck my head, hope that Owen didn’t see. He grabs my hand again and we duck as someone else flies over us and we make it safely to the blue dance floor, only now it’s not just a blue dance floor but a game of twister on a blue dance floor and I realise that this party couldn’t possibly get better.

Anabelle and Lola are entwined around each other and Noah is sitting in the middle, defeated. “Alice, Owen!” He calls out. “Come play.”

“You want to?” Owen asks me.

“Hell yes I want to.”

The five of us stand on the sides of the mat and wait for Lindsey to spin. Lola makes angry challenging faces at Owen and a low noise that resembles a growl that makes Anabelle and me giggle.

“Right foot on red” Lindsey calls out, and the game is underway.

*******

I fall to the ground and even though he probably could have stayed up, Owen falls on top, catching himself and lingering over me. He lowers just enough to ever so lightly kiss my neck and then jumps up. “Again!” He announces, as if he hasn’t just stopped my heart.

I see Lily watching and she mouths the words “I saw that” again, and winks. Owen has disappeared.

“I’m out” I tell Noah when he asks if I want to play again. “These guys want a go”. I start to follow Lily, ducking my head in case someone flies at me when Owen re-appears holding two beers.

“Err, no, thank you.” I tell him, when he holds one out to me. “Don’t do beer.”

His jaw drops and he feigns a look of disbelief. “You don’t do beer.” He makes sure he’s heard correctly. “Beer is delicious.”

“Well I would” I clarify, “if, you know, it tasted good.”

“I’m shocked.”

“I can see that.”

“You don’t do beer.”

“Is that so preposterous?”

“It is.”

“I could drink cider, would that make it all better?”

“I’m not sure it would.”

“Fine, give me the beer.”

“You want the beer?”

“I’ll have a taste.”

“You’ll love it.”

“I assure you I won’t.” I take a sip as he makes an “mmm” sound to convince me further.

“Beer is not delicious” I say, handing it back and making a face that backs this up. He laughs at me, takes an exaggerated sip.

“Ahh, delicious!”  I roll my eyes and can’t contain my smile. “So no beer?”

“No beer.”

“Fine.” He turns to the esky where Ebony and Flynn are still sitting. I wonder where he got the other beers from but my thoughts are interrupted when I see him push Flynn so hard that he falls off the esky and onto the floor. Ebony falls with him, or she is pulled; Owen piles on top. Daniel sees and comes running over to join, his pants still undone but at least pulled up now.

There are legs everywhere and fake moans and screams of laughter. I sit on the esky and watch this display unfold as more people jump on. Lola is next; screaming out “weeeeee” and she lands on her brother. I feel my arm jerk and before I realise what is happening I am amongst it too.

“Okay!” I hear from the bottom of the pile. “Can’t breathe.” I manoeuvre so that I am hanging over the top and search through the heads and legs to find my sister.

“Hey baby! Are you having fun down there?”

She is giggling and can only just manage the words “The most”. One by one we unravel ourselves and once we are standing, high five.  

“Right, we were getting you a drink.” Owen reminds me and reaches into the esky.

*******

One by one, people dwindle off the dance floor exhausted, to get drinks. I look around, deciding my next move. I catch Owen’s eye; he is watching me so I hold his stare and wait. The song has just changed and as he gets closer a smile spreads across my face when I realise he is mouthing the words at me. By the time he grabs hold of my waste he is singing loudly “’Cause I like you, yeah I like you, and I’m feeling so Bohemian like you.”

My initial giggle turns into a relentless state of laughing out loud as he spins me around the dance floor and finishes the lyric “And I feel whoa ho woo!”

A few songs later, we wander off to get a drink and have a break. We slump down on an oversized beanbag and Owen puts his arm around me. I point out a guy who I had met earlier in the night, but whose name I have already forgotten and reiterate the conversation we’d had. “He asked me if I had a boyfriend, and if not, did I want one”. He’d actually been pretty smooth.

“I can set him straight if you want” he told me, coming to my defence. It was hardly necessary but I appreciated the sentiment, and hid the back flip my heart did semi-well.

“I’m sure you could, but I don’t have a boyfriend, Owen” I innocently teased. It is my intention to make this difficult for him.

“I know...” he starts, looking at me as though I should have caught on to what he was insinuating, before being interrupted by a friend who is leaving. We get up to say an extended goodbye and by the time we are alone again the moment has passed.

We put our empty bottles in the bin and head back to the blue floor. The catapult guy who winked at me earlier is dancing as though he has a point to prove. He is wearing skinny black jeans and a white shirt; now see through with sweat and sticking to his slim body. His hair is dark brown and close to shaven; he would look better if it were long. He half makes up for it though, with his face unshaven for what appears to be a week and hipster-like tattoos down one arm. He has striking brown eyes and an animated face. Now he is what I would call delicious.  

I didn’t know him, but that doesn’t stop me from jumping in front of him, challenging the dance-off he already appears to be competing in solo. Owen drops back and watches as the stranger and I move our bodies ridiculously and not, in any way, flatteringly. The point is, I believe, to out-enthuse the other, and to outlast them. Evidently we appear to be having too much fun to miss out on because Owen joins in, displaying a comical routine that I stop to enjoy. Somehow it turns a little sexual in context and the boys rub against each other, simulating attraction and lust. I can’t help but notice, though, in reality it is a genuine rivalry and contest. I wonder how they know each other, and what one has done to piss the other off.

When the music stops Owen grabs me, drawing me close. The stranger takes this as his invitation to leave although I am very aware of him lingering nearby, watching as Owen and I engage in messy dancing and enthusiastic singing, never more than a few inches apart. 

“So”, Owen continues, picking up on our conversation from earlier. “Do you want me to show that guy that you aren’t available?” As his lips move, I can feel his breath against my skin. I close my eyes and inhale, and as I do I feel him pull me closer, unaware this is even possible. He presses his lips against mine then gently pulls back, checking my face for signs that this is okay. It is actually the most okay I had ever been, and in a silent attempt at telling him that I mirror his actions, pressing my lips back against his. He immediately responds, wrapping his arms around me tight and moving one hand to my hair, softly smoothing it, his arm pressed against each trace of my skin it can find on the way up. One of my arms fit perfectly under his, coming to rest on top of his shoulder from behind, clutching and attempting to shut out any remaining space left between us. My other hand lingers on his hip, just above where his jeans sit. My fingers dig into his skin; confirming he is real.  

Overwhelmed, I manage to free myself, resting my forehead against his, and open my mouth for breath. Wow. His fingers come to dance on my face, running over each curve as though committing it to memory. “Do that again”, I tell him.

*******

Blissfully unaware of our surroundings, we open our eyes to see that we were completely alone. Everyone has ventured outside, leaving us to each other. A Foo Fighters song comes on and Owen’s perfect voice flows through me. As if he hasn’t impressed me enough, he takes my hand and lifts our arms slightly as I duck under, and spins me around, just once. “I can’t dance” I hesitantly warn him, nervously realising that he was going to be good at this too, of course.

“You’ve never been danced with?” he asks, seemingly shocked at this revelation.

“It’s unbelievable isn’t it; just like the beer thing.” I am joking but he is looking at me sincere.

“Yes, it is”.

He spins me around to face the glass doors leading outside, where everyone is busy enjoying themselves. They pay us no attention. He shifts to stands behind me; wraps his arms around my belly, his head coming to rest on my shoulder and decides to change the topic. “Alice, you could have anyone here” he tells me, half whispering in my ear. I am inclined to disagree, but remain silent. “Why would you choose me?” 

Why would I choose you? I think about the absurd question, wondering if he honestly can’t see all the answers as clearly as I do. You’re smart and motivated, I think to myself, and determined with a little arrogance for flavour. You have the body of a God, I continue to myself, and a striking face, while somehow managing to look soft and kind. Your hair feels just as I would imagine clouds to feel and your eyes are sky blue to match. Your skin is pale white and smooth; flawless. I don’t think it can tan either, and I like that.

You can sing, you can dance evidently but you do so with little effort and without trying to impress. You can make me laugh till I hurt, but are seemingly unsatisfied that you’ve succeeded each time. You know things; interesting things. You teach me things. You captivate me with each word that comes out of your perfectly shaped mouth. You have a strong South African accent to match your personality, mashed with a little English and Australian to make up a voice that is uniquely your own. You challenge me because you know I like to be challenged, and you like to be challenged too.

You make my stomach a permanent home for butterflies. I like the freckle on your lip and that the colour blue suites you. I love that every time you see your sister, your face lights up. I like that she looks like you, too. Now that there is you, there is no one else but you. I stop, shaking the thoughts from my head, afraid that he might be able to hear. Waking me from my trance as if he knows I am done recapping, he spins me back around to face him and kisses my forehead, twice.

“You are so beautiful” he tells me, as if trying to convince me that this were true. Well, I think, this is odd. The person you have always thought was too good for you turns out to be the person who thinks you are too good for them. Was that irony? I am not sure; but I like it.

I realise, too late, that I never answered his question.

*******

“Are you glad you came?” Ebony asks as everyone is starting to leave.  

“Kind of, I mean it was alright. Ok fine it was probably the best decision I’ve made. You know, ever.” I smile are her big and think back to our phone call earlier in the day.

“Hmm, I’m not sure Eb; I don’t know many people who are going.” I was at Southbank buying purple orchards to brighten my study, and looking for textbooks on the English legal system at the State Library for my upcoming assignment, and I was distracted. I had already decided that I would be staying at home to work on the assignment. I was becoming increasingly addicted to university and actually enjoyed spending my nights at home typing at Microsoft Word as though it cared what I was saying. 

Her next words had brought me back to the thought of the party. “Owen’s going to be there”.

“What should I wear?” Ebony laughed at me, knowing full well that was all it would take to change my mind. She helped me virtually sort through my wardrobe over the phone, and when we decided there was nothing in it, we hung up and I changed my shopping agenda.

I look at her now, a dishevelled mess as I probably am and thank her. Twice.

*******

“I see you met my good friend Jake.” Noah comes to stand next to me, replacing the catapulting, winking, dancing stranger who left just seconds before.

“Oh he belongs to you?”

“We went to school together, have been friends for years.”

“Him and Owen don’t get along, do they?”

“Not really, though it’s kind of unspoken. I’m not even sure what happened between them, they used to. Jake refuses to talk about it.”  

“It’s a shame, really. They bounce off each other well; a little healthy rivalry.” Evidently not so healthy. Lindsey wraps her arms around Noah from behind.  She looks sleepy.

“You ready to go?”

“Go” I mouth at him and he hugs me and Lindsey hugs me. “It was good to see you both.”

“You too, Alice.” Noah says, and Lindsey agrees. Ebony comes over to tell me we’re leaving too. I scan the room for Jake but I can’t see him.

“Have you seen my belt?” Owen asks, coming to stand next to me on the blue dance floor that is now sticky with alcohol and covered in rubbish. I look at him, eyebrows raised.

“You took off your belt?” I wonder that inspired him to do such a thing. Shirt, yes, if it’s hot; shoes for comfort. Belt, though? In his hands are his shoes, socks and shirt. No belt. He smiles innocently and shrugs. “Let’s look.” I say, and we separate. I see a pile of clothes in the corner and sit down in front of it facing the wall and start shifting through.

“Can I see you again soon?” I look up to see Jake hovering above me, kneeling on a backwards facing chair, arms folded casually in front and rocking back and forth. His smile and intense stare are alluring and I have to look away.

“Sit” I tell him, patting the floor next to me, and he does. “Why do you want to see me?” I ask, not because I want him to tell me that he’s interested, but because I am hoping he will tell me he wants to be my friend.

“We had fun tonight.”

“True” I say slowly, cautious and he continues.

“I was kind of hoping that instead of kissing Owen, you might want to kiss me.” I duck my head and smile again, embarrassed.

“I’m afraid” I tell him, “I quite like kissing Owen.”

“Hmm I thought you might.” I pick up a belt from the pile of clothes.

“Owens?”

“Yep.” I kiss his forehead. “I’ve got to go.” I leave him sitting on the floor and turn to see that Owen has been watching. I wonder for how long, and what he heard. “This belong to you?” I hold up the belt. He smiles, grateful and starts threading it through his jeans.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing.” I say, and as he wraps his arm around my waste and pulls me close to kiss my cheek I know I’ve make the right decision.

*******