post 21 : bad dreams and dinner dates

I woke up screaming and dripping with sweat; the word NO resonating in my head over and over and over. The dream was about Lucy. Owen and I had been strolling around a picturesque lagoon in a country far from home. Barefooted and holding hands, we were whispering words meant for only us when we spotted a girl on the other side frantic and in desperate need of something, perhaps someone. She was alone and she was sad. On approaching I quickly realised she was Lucy, something Owen no doubt knew all along. He let my hand go and took hers instead. He wiped the tears from her cheeks and held her face in his hands. She sank into his touch and clutched him as though she should never have let go in the first place. He looked back at me as they walked away holding her as if the knife he just drove into my heart had I had been warned about; as if it were going to be this way all along.

My throat was dry from a combination of screaming and crying so I boiled the kettle and put lemon juice and honey into the bottom of my cup; a vain attempt at soothing both body and my heart. I returned to my room and let my back slide down wall to the floor. I landed with a thump and the boiling water splashed on my hand, burning my skin. I didn’t bother to wipe it off. I sipped my drink and attempted to return to reality but instead replayed the dream in my head until I was convinced Owen was about to jump on a plane and go get her back.

What must have been over an hour later, I dragged my body up and turned on the shower. Waiting for the water to get hot I stripped off and examined my body in the mirror. I was perfectly average. Perhaps a little taller than most girls, my body was soft and pale, my stomach flat but not toned. My dark brown hair tumbled messily over my shoulders; the longest I’d ever let it grow. My eyes were swollen and my face was red. The tears had made my eyes look greener.

When the water was sufficiently scorching and the bathroom full of steam I stepped into the place I felt most comfortable. I sat on the floor and let the water burn my skin until the very last moment I could endure it, and then turned the cold on slightly.

*******

I sat down at the computer and turned it on, sipping coffee as I waited. When the page opened I very nearly spat out the coffee in an attempt to call out “Ebony! EBONY!” Certain something was wrong she appeared at my side in 10 seconds flat having sprinted down the hall. “It’s from Owen. I got an email from Owen.” I started, knowing she would want the full details so I continued without letting her speak. “He wants to take me to dinner.”

“Are you serious?” She squealed. We sounded ridiculous; like school children and I couldn’t help but be disgusted in myself a little bit, but not enough to calm down.

“Here, read it” I told her, and made the screen bigger so she could see properly. “It’s really cute.” I read out loud in a quite proper English animated voice, well aware that it was the wrong accent, while Ebony giggled beside me, looking over my shoulder and following along at the same time.

“So I would perhaps like to take you on a dinner date. If said desire is reciprocated, and now that I am actually in a position to pay for an entire meal.” I paused for emphasis, noting that if this were an old English invitation for courting they most definitely wouldn’t have made mention of their financial state.

“However” I continued “Due to our major proximity and schedule differences, this may prove difficult. So I cordially invite you for dinner at a time of your choosing to be wined and dined at your pleasure and my expense.”

I looked at Ebony and back at the email, back at Ebony again and burst out laughing. “He wants to take me to dinner.”