So I’ve
been doing a little reflecting in my bubble bath on this, the last day of my 25th
year. And what a year it has been. Let us start in April 2011 when my cousin
Mat Von D told me I must be at his three way birthday party. I was in the
middle of exams, so I missed out. Didn’t I, Isaac? Next came a little gathering
where I was to meet Karl, who: “Is hot, but has a girlfriend. Don’t worry, you’ll
meet Isaac tomorrow.” I was introduced to Jack Bratt and Zara that night, too. Loved
Zara. Hated Jack. Seriously, stop air drumming. Just stop it.
There
was a pretty little blonde thing sitting on Mat’s lap that night, full of
tequila and hilarities. I loved her in an instant and my cousin did, too. Courtney
made me appreciate vintage and cherry blossoms. She showed me that it’s
possible in real life to be hell smart and rad at the same time. It took him a
while and a few whispered words: “stop being ridiculous, you love her, you
jerk” until Mat finally admitted I was right and proposed and they will now live
happily ever after. You’re welcome.
In true
hipster style, I met Isaac at the park: the closest thing to a pirate I had
ever seen. I have never been encouraged to sleep with one person more than I
have been encouraged to sleep with Isaac. And it continues to this day. And not
just from my modern day cupid cousin, either. “Will you just, please, sleep
with my friend?” I guess this group just wants everybody to be happy and well
satisfied. It was this weekend at my first Rics breakfast that Isaac told me I
was the worst hipster in the world (because I didn’t want rocket on my eggs). He
and Karl also tried to introduce me to Queens of the Stone Age. They failed.
Sitting
awkwardly at Rics one night, amongst a bunch of intimidating hipsters and guys
in bands, feeling awkward and looking awkward, Jack Bratt stood up to break the
silence and posed the question “So, how long have you been related to Mat?” Friendship
= On. Jack is the first person I ever showed my writing to, he told me I was
awesome even when I wasn’t. Jack let me be friends with his Blondes kids too. They
go alright. He also gave me Emily and Meagan.
Last
year I started spending time with my long lost creepy illegitimate uncle,
Vinnie. I was delighted to find out that everybody calls him Uncle Vinnie and
I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of novel being one of only two that can say “No
no, he actually is my uncle.” Best
conversation starter ever, and my fall back. This kid is our play thing. He let
us cut his hair into a flat top. He lets us have nerf gun wars inside his
house. He spins when we want to play Twister. He lets me steal his girlfriend
whenever I want to. I even have my very own bed at his house. Speaking of said
girlfriend, Lauren is a fucking delight. Can’t get enough. No actually, I
really can’t. One half of one week went by recently and I was wondering what
was missing. “Oh that’s right, it’s Lauren.”
There
was a wonderful disaster of a trip overseas where I got to spend time with my
favourite person in the world, Nancy. There has been juicy writing material and
an, albeit unread, unveiling of said writing (I go to your gigs jerks; read my
book). There was an introduction to Star Wars and a new found love for Marvel
movies. I now have an At At obsession and a Cartel obsession. Oh and a cider
obsession, too. And beards, parks, black milk leggings and tattoos.
I enjoy
rocket now.
But I
digress. The real reason I got out of my bubble bath was to say thanks, kids. It’s
been all kinds of awesome.
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