We had managed to lose most of our group and all who were left were Owen, Tom, and me. We wandered back slowly to our campsite with conversation flowing easily. It had rained the week before, soaking the ground that the trucks delivering portable showers and toilets had later driven on, causing deep crevices that became tiny footpaths for us to balance in; a difficult feat when riddled with alcohol.
“I’m stuck in a rut.” Tom announced, coming to the end of the crevice without the logic to just step up and onto flat ground. We giggled; witty boy.
We must have taken at least an hour on what would have soberly been a 20 minute walk. We arrived back expecting to be greeted by everyone who’d gotten there quicker on more direct routes, but instead found our little tent city abandoned. Gathering alcohol from inside tents and cars we sat at the tiny table Owen’s parents had lent him and let our night continue.
“So, Jake tried to kiss you hey?” Owen started, a little too loud and I looked around to make sure Jake wasn’t there. I didn’t really want everyone to know what had gone on the night before, although it was slipping out a little too often and now that Owen knew, everyone else was bound to find out too. Discretion was not his strong point. Nor, evidently, was it mine.
“Oh, it was so awkward. He was in his back brace and everything. I had to grab his face before he reached me.” I was saying too much, Jake was going to find out I’d told people I could feel it, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself.
“I can just imagine it” Owen continued, laughing at a volume that was probably waking all of our neighbour campers from their precious little sleep. I checked my phone for the time. It was 2:30am. Jake would have been with New Jake from the tents next door. Far enough away to not see how bad of a friend I was being. “Oh I shouldn’t be so mean” Owen continued, changing his tone. “The poor guy broke his back and now this. He’s not having a good week.”
“Oh he’s fine.” I told them, brushing it off and noticing Tom engrossed in our conversation but not alert enough to be actively involved. “He’ll be over me by tomorrow and he’ll have a great time here, he’s practically a celebrity.” He was the local Splendour celebrity. A guy known as The Doctor off radio station Triple J had found and interviewed him, and every second person wanted to stop for photos.
“Still, it’d be nice to not have him hanging all over you.” Owen prompted. He was right. Jake had been lingering for the past two days and while it had been nice to have him as my friend again, he had an agenda that didn’t match mine.
“That would be nice.” I agreed softly, wondering if it would also be nice for Owen to not have me ‘hanging all over’ him. I was trying to give him space but my want for being with him sometimes overpowered the part of me that said to just leave him alone.
Lost in thought I glanced to my left when I heard a rustle of what might have been plastic. My stomach back flipped and dread filled me when I saw Jake inside a sleeping bag. He had been sleeping, or not sleeping to the side of my tent on the ground outside. He rolled over and I wasn’t sure if it was to tell us that he was there and awake or if he was just restless in his brace and couldn’t sleep. He could quite possibly have just heard our entire conversation. Heard everything I’d said. He’d mentioned after last night that he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable so he would sleep elsewhere. Evidently ‘elsewhere’ was still too close.
“Oh shit.” Owen spurted out. “Well that’s awkward.” He laughed out loud the way he did, the way ‘ha ha’ sounds when written down.
“Oh shit.” I repeated, a softer version of Owen’s.
“Ahhh” Owen sighed, leaning back on his chair, hands behind his head completely satisfied at what life had just dealt him. “This is what movies are made of. This is the good quality stuff.”
“Shut up Owen.” I growled at him. “Just shut up.”
Feeling exposed and vulnerable I quickly ducked inside my tent before I died of embarrassment. I rocked on my ankles and pressed my head against the cold plastic on the ground. “No no no no no.” I whispered to myself. “Please don’t let this be happening.” I could still hear Owen from outside still laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.
*******
Through the semi-consciousness that came the next morning upon waking, my thoughts flickered back to the night before. “Oh, God” I mumbled, considering staying in my tent for the remainder of the festival and deciding instead to brave it early and venture outside. I must have slept in because everybody was up and enjoying the breakfast that Owen and Lola were cooking them. Bacon and sausages, so many eggs. The smell calmed me and so did Owen, smiling at me, a knowing smile when I peaked my head out of my tent to check if Jake was around. I couldn’t see him. I went straight to my car, grabbed a handful of clothes and went to shower.
I felt better when I came back, fresh and tried to start the day the same way. I folded up the door of my tent and sat just inside facing out so that the top of it blocked the sun from my eyes and provided me with a little shelter; a little comfort. I was inspecting the skin of an apple intently before eating it and jumped when Jake came to sit beside me.
“What time did you guys get back last night?” The question surprised me.
“Err.” I struggled “I think it might have been about 2am or a little after. What about you?” Attempting to have a normal conversation at the same time as pleading internally that he hadn’t heard what I’d said about him last night was turning out to be exactly as difficult as I’d predicted. I tried to remember my exact words and justify them, arguing with him in preparation for the real thing that was about to come. In my head, he won.
“I had an early night. I was back by about 10pm. You guys must have been quiet when you came back. I didn’t hear you at all.”
Was he saying that to calm me because he had heard us? I couldn’t be sure. It did seem like something he would do; cop the negative that was said about him and pretend he didn’t hear in order to keep the peace, keep me feeling calm and not have to face me in a standoff, not have to be apart from me once the standoff was over.
“We were actually quite loud. I’m surprised we didn’t wake you. We noticed you sleeping outside after a while, but we’d been back for ages. We were a little worried we might have woken you.”
If he was going to have a chance to admit that he knew, now would be it.
“You didn’t. I was sound asleep.” He was lying.
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